Hello! This topic is for those who like to have a good laugh after a day of work, or after getting screwed by their own stupidity! d... note: you can send any type of joke. The recommendation is, if you don't like it, you have the choice not to read the joke. First, however, we ask you to let them know when a joke is a bit harsh for some audiences before the joke itself, to avoid any hassles. and nothing more fair than me starting with a joke! A very wealthy 90-year-old man goes to the doctor for his annual exam. The doctor performs the first tests and asks you: - How have you been feeling lately, my friend? I see him very excited. - Well, doctor, the truth is that I feel great. - Great! I'm very happy. Is there any special reason? - Well, doctor, look, I got a 19-year-old girlfriend and the romance is great, to the point that she's already pregnant... Imagine, doctor! We are going to have a child! What do you think about this? The doctor remains silent for a long time and finally responds: - I'll tell you a little story. In a forest, a man was camping late at night when he heard the roar of a hungry tiger. The man woke up and, horrified, realized that the tiger was at the entrance to his tent. He was so scared that, instead of taking his rifle, he took the fishing rod and shot the tiger with the stick... Do you know what happened? - I have no idea. What happened? - Well, the tiger fell, struck by the fishing rod. - Don't joke, doctor! This is impossible! Surely someone shot without him noticing. - Ah, that's exactly what I wanted to get to! Don't you think my story is very similar to yours?

go! Master Ball

There was a guy who had a dog, and the dog was trained to jump in the air and turn around every time partizan Belgrade scores a goal. So he brought the dog next to the playing field and partizan would score a goal, he jumps, then another goal he jumps again, then partizan captain comes and says to the dog owner, man, I wonder how he jumps when we score a goal against red star if he jumps like this for this game. And the guy replies. I don't know, I only had him for few years now.

LOL JATAIYU HOW COME YOU'RE GONNA CATCH TIGAR WITH A MASTER BALL?

Well the masterball has 100% chance of capturing so.

What's the difference between a feminist and a grenade? The grenade actually accomplishes something when it triggers.
Want another one? Look at my status.

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there’s a dog.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time.

partizan fan is awoken by his mother: "Son, time to get up, it's 3".
He replies with a sleepy voice: "Oh, again Olajinka"?

The only fun about this is none of joke is funny or understandable, except for the grenade phemenism one

What did the old man say when he lost his tractor? Where is my tractor?

Its not a joke, but play it. Will make you laugh.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TJaNDBI87s

Disclaimer: These jokes are not mine, I am borrowing them from the Spanish version of this topic. you can read the original versions there and I publicly thank the original posters for sharing this.
A grandmother goes to the supermarket and puts the most expensive cans of cat food in her basket. Already at her checkout, she says to the cashier: -I only buy the best for my kitten. The cashier answers: -I'm sorry, but we can't sell you cat food without proving that you have a cat. Many elderly people buy cat food and then, out of necessity, eat it themselves. Management needs proof that you actually have a cat. The old woman goes to her house, takes her cat, puts it in a briefcase and returns to the supermarket to check it out. She sells him cans of it. The next day, the same old lady goes to the supermarket and buys 12 dog biscuits. The cashier demands proof that she has a dog, claiming that many elderly people eat dog food. Frustrated, the old lady goes to her house and returns with her dog; Finally she sells him the happy cookies. A day later the lady returns to the supermarket, and she carries a small box with a hole in the lid of it. As she enters, she approaches the cashier and asks her to put her finger in the hole in the lid. The cashier says: -No... Maybe you have a snake there. The old woman assures him that there is nothing in the box that bites. Then, the cashier puts her finger in... and immediately she takes it away and shouts at the old lady: THIS IS IT 💩! The old lady, with a smile from ear to ear, says to the cashier: -It's true, dear. And now... CAN I BUY FOUR ROLLS OF TOILET PAPER? 🤣🤣🤣🤣.
Saint Peter was at the gate of heaven, when he felt an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Then, he calls Jesus and asks him to substitute for him for a few minutes during his absence. Jesus goes and sits at the desk to receive those who are trying to enter heaven. At that, a little old man appears to whom Jesus asks: - Grandpa, what did you do on Earth? The old man answers: - Oh! I was a carpenter. I had a long beard, a lot of gray hair, I was poor and I had a son, the result of a miracle, who was very, very famous, in addition to being loved by all men, especially children. Moved, Jesus begins to cry, gets up and throws himself into the arms of the old man saying: - DADDY! I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH! The old man hugs him tightly and, very excited, answers: - CALM, PINOCCHIO, I'M HERE!
A woman leaves without her husband to a conference in Cuba. When she arrives at the hotel in Havana, she finds in her room a two-meter tall black man, naked, with attributes that take away the sense. They make love again and again until dawn... she asks him: My love, what is your name? I'm not going to tell you because you would laugh - he answers. And so, day after day, for a long week, until she arrives the day back to her town, in Spain. The "dear cuban"
" accompanies her to the airport and, once again and before saying goodbye to her, she asks him: Please don't let me go like this. Tell me what your name is. Promise me you're not going to laugh - he says - ... My name is Snow. The lady lets out a big laugh... The Cuban tells her: You see? You laughed. And the lady answers: I didn't laugh at your name, but at the look on my husband's face when I tell him that I spent a week in Cuba with 35 centimeters of snow.

an old woman went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I've been feeling terrible lately. I've lost my memory, I can't remember anything. Can you help me?"
The doctor said, "Don't worry, I'm sure it's just a temporary condition. Let's take a few tests and see what's going on."
The doctor ran some tests and came back to her with the results. "Okay, it seems that you have a rare condition where you can't remember anything that happened more than 5 minutes ago."
She thought for a moment and then asked, "So what was I just saying?"

Written in the year of the Russia World Cup in 2018. A Brazilian, an American, and an Argentine were in Russia. They were drinking in the square. However, in Russia, this is forbidden, and they were caught in the act. Arrested, they were sent to the judge to receive their sentence. The judge gave them a severe scolding and said that each of them would receive 20 lashes as punishment. However, since it was the World Cup year, each prisoner had the right to one request:

"You, American! Your country is racist, capitalist, and I hate you, but a promise is a promise! What is your wish, as long as it's not to escape punishment?"

"I want a pillow tied to my back!"

"So be it!" And he received the lashes with the pillow on his back. Around the tenth lash, the pillow gave way, and the American took 10 lashes.

"Your turn, Argentine! Your people are very arrogant and deceitful. I hate you, but a promise is a promise! What is your wish?"

"Tie two pillows to my back!"

And so it was. Around the fifteenth lash, the pillows gave way, and the Argentine took 5 of the 20 lashes. But he was happy because he outsmarted the American!

It was the Brazilian's turn.

"Oh, you are Brazilian... friendly people, good at soccer, humble... since I like your people, you will have 2 requests!"

"Well, I want to receive 100 lashes..."

"Amazing!! And on top of that, you're brave!! Your wish will be granted!! What is your next request?"

"Tie the Argentine to my back!"

Some of these jokes need explanations or i’m the only one who is not getting them.

A Syrian asks an Iraqi: "How did you dodge the draft?"

The iraqi answered: "I ran".

*** hold on! *** adult joke ***

A blind man went to a hotel and sat in a table, waiting for the server to ask.

Server, "Sir, what do you want today?"
Blind man, "Can I smell the spoon that anybody ate and left and tell what I want?"
Server, "Sure sir!"

The server picked one of the unwashed spoon from a random plate and gave it to the blind man.
Then the blind man asked, "Can I have some fried rice please?"
The server got shocked that, through smelling the spoon how he got to know the items that we prepared!
The server served the same, and the blind man ate that.

Next day, the blind man came to the same hotel and does the same but, instead he asks, "Can I have some nudles please?"
The server again got surprised and serves the same.

And the next day, when the blind man comes and when he asks for the spoon, the server, who is also the owner of the hotel, goes to his wife, who is the sheff in his hotel and asks her to rub the spoon to her private part and give him back.
The wife does that and gives spoon back to his husband.

After that, he takes that spoon to the blind man and gives him to smell.

the blind man smells, got excited and tells, "Oh, I not knew linda is here!".

Here goes a short funny snippet of a text conversation stolen from the Czech internet:

<TeXaN> what is the maximum bt range? in ideal conditions
<TeXaN> I mean can it go through my wall and another 15m into my garden?
<Unimatrix325> if BT means battle tank, then yes

some of them are not even funny

@nightmare-crow The super market joke was once very very very circulated one in the Instagram.

A doctor and an engineer who are friends, one day went to the general store.

The doctor, stole 3 chocolates without knowing to the shopkeeper and they both ran away.

Afterwards, the doctor said to engineer "did you saw my skills of stealing?"
The engineer said, "oh your skills is limited to that? I have the skills of doing magic!"

Then doctor says, "How you will do magic, can I see once?"
Engineer says, "Come to the same general store that we went". and takes the doctor to the general store along with him.

Engineer asks to the shopkeeper "Can I have one chocolate? I will do a magic!"
The shopkeeper gives the chocolate.

The engineer does the same 3 times and eats 3 chocolates.

After eating 3 chocolates, the engineer asks to the shopkeeper, "Do you want your 3 chocolates back?"
The shopkeeper says, "Yes! How you will give back after eating?"

Engineer says, "Please check the pocket of the doctor. You will get your 3 chocolates!"

Hahaha it's funny and interesting to see how jokes travel across the world and are derived in respective cultures in various ways. I have a joke that's basically this but the situation is quite different lmfao to the point where I probably shouldn't post it up here.